Working with depression and anxiety
By Anonymous
I am a twenty-something female who recovered from depression just a few years earlier during my pursuit of a PhD. I had anxiety and mild depression and took minimal dose of medication for two months before trying out Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), which worked better for me. I will forever be indebted to the Malaysia Mental Health Association (MMHA) for providing free counselling and group therapy sessions to help me recover.
Later, I quit my PhD since it was a major trigger of my depression. I decided to find a job, any job, to fill my time and earn an income while I think about what to do with my life. My dream was to be an academic, but that dream seemed impossible for now.
By chance, I landed a job in a tech start-up company. Months later, I came to realize from online articles that start-up companies are usually fast paced and stressful workplaces. It was not the case for me back then, as the company was growing at a reasonable pace and I could still work normal hours with minimal overtime.
A few years later, I was still in the same company but things have changed. My workload increased exponentially and I began to feel the pressure of keeping up. My to-do list kept expanding and changing while I grappled with new tech and working procedures. I was given a more managerial role. After a few months of hectic working schedule and much overtime, I began to experience low moods more often at home. More recently, I cried some mornings before I went to work. When I finally caught a break and found time to reflect, I realized that my depression might be coming back for a visit.
I was terrified. I love my current job and colleagues. I did not want to feel scared of going to work, just like I did when I was doing my PhD.
Currently, I am finding ways to handle my anxiety to go to work. I read articles online written by entrepreneurs or start-up employees to see how they do it and try to emulate the steps myself. I am considering having a discussion with my employer-cum-founder to see if there are ways to elevate my work stress, but I am not sure if that will affect my future in the company.
Perhaps a stressful working life is not for me. Perhaps I can learn better coping skills. I certainly hope it is the latter. I am trying.
I wish the best for people who share similar concerns.
