Self-gaslighting is a form of emotional stress involving manipulating yourself into doubting your thoughts, feelings, and reality. It happens internally, where a person sends a message to themselves that they are remembering things incorrectly or that their feelings are invalid.
Here are some examples of what self-gaslighting looks like:
- Minimising your accomplishments: You might tell yourself that you didn’t achieve anything significant, even if you did.
- Blaming yourself for everything: Self-gaslighting often involves self-blame. You might feel that things would have turned out better if you had been more self-aware or had done something differently.
- Invalidating your feelings: This is where you say to yourself your feelings are invalid or that you tend to overreact to situations.
- Second-guessing yourself: You might question your judgement or decision-making, leading to uncertainty and a sense of overwhelm.
- Convincing yourself that an experience was not traumatic: Self-gaslighting can involve convincing yourself that a traumatic event wasn’t that bad or didn’t happen at all. This can lead to feelings of denial, shame, and self-blame.
Here are five tips to help you start to break free from self-doubt and regain trust in your own experiences and emotions:
Cultivate self-awareness
Developing self-awareness is critical to identifying self-gaslighting patterns. Reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and reactions in different situations. Journaling or speaking with a trusted friend can provide valuable insights. Pay attention to instances where you dismiss your emotions or question your perception and begin acknowledging and validating your experiences.
Seek external validation
Another effective way to counter self-gaslighting is to seek external validation from friends and loved ones. Share your concerns, experiences, and doubts with supportive friends and family or a mental health professional. Open and honest conversations can provide a fresh perspective, validate your experiences, and help you regain confidence in your judgement.
Educate yourself on gaslighting
Take time to learn about the tactics and dynamics of gaslighting. Understanding how manipulation operates can help you recognise the signs more easily. Read books, articles or attend workshops that address the topic. Knowledge equips you with the tools to identify when you’re being gaslit and enables you to challenge those narratives.
Practice self-compassion
Self-gaslighting often stems from a lack of self-compassion and self-acceptance. Treat yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience. Challenge the negative self-talk and replace it with supportive and affirming thoughts. Engage in self-care activities that nurture your well-being, such as exercising, meditating, or engaging in hobbies you enjoy. Remember, you deserve kindness and understanding from yourself as much as anyone else.
Establish boundaries
Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial in combating self-gaslighting. Communicate your needs, limits, and values to others, and respect them yourself. Learn to recognise when someone is undermining your experiences or manipulating your perception and assert your experience of yourself when it’s being contradicted or denied. Surround yourself with people who validate your feelings and experiences, and don’t be afraid to create some distance yourself from those who consistently dismiss or belittle them.
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