He seems to be perfectly fine, he’s “happy”, the quote of my life. Behind the social scene when I’m on my own, the demons come to play. The only friend that I had since the age of five were depression and anxiety. Coming from a well to do family, life seems easy and perfect as financials weren’t an issue. Attitude problem was what the world thought.
Having physical health issues, my parents always thought it was due to the fact that my health had played apart with my behaviour. The lack of enjoyment since childhood made everyone thought it was just the way I was. Using majority of my energy to fight against the waves of negativity and anxious thoughts, the many trips to the hospital for physical health. Everyone thought I was just a lazy bum that had all he wanted, a spoilt brat. The mind fog was the only colour that painted my life. Making friends became hard as no one wanted to be friends with a dull and depressed person. Parents thought that boarding school would help with my “attitude problem” so a one way ticket to Australia it was.
Make good friends and prosper well in an elite school in Melbourne. Stay away from the toxic people and find good friends, do I unfriend myself? Unleashing rage and strife onto innocent people. Toxicity bled from my mouth and actions. As the years go by it became worst and turning to drugs and alcohol for the solution. First year of university came, a boy from the rugby and gym scene comes into what proclaims to be the best time of their lives. New environment, new scene but same old demons that evolved. The fog intensified as what was sleep? Drugs, alcohol and women ruled my life. In the outside I looked perfectly fine. The lies and the noises too intensified as I ran with the wrong crowd having a cousin to be my sidekick. Everything went well except for the part where I barely slept and focused during events. Semester 2 came and everything went worse as the pain grew so did my parent’s patience. An advertisement came on about the illness and realised it wasn’t me but the demons controlling every aspect of my life. Tried to seek help but instead was told to let it go move on and get your shit together. A dropout that was shipped back home due to “laziness”. Everyone that tried to help but got a backlash as negativity and rage filled the air. Ashamed and deluded. Struggled for the first year of university back home as the demons still stayed. But everything became better and got out of the dark tunnel after many years of struggling. To anyone still struggling, have faith as the light at the end is coming near. Amen!
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