Grief is a complex and deeply personal experience, but not all forms of grieving are readily acknowledged or supported by society. Enter disenfranchised grief, a concept that sheds light on the unspoken sorrows many people endure without the recognition or validation they deserve.
Disenfranchised grief refers to losses that, typically, aren’t supported by traditional perspectives of grief. When a person experiences a loss that’s viewed differently to the death of a loved one, it can feel like they are alone in their grief and others around them don’t understand what they’re going through, or feel like it’s “not a big deal.” Some examples of disenfranchised grief cn include:
- The loss of a pet. People with pets will feel that their companion is part of their family just like any close human relative. And yet, losing a pet can be seen as trivial by others, who might even offer the suggestion to “get over it – get yourself a new pet” as though no real loss has taken place.
- Losing a job. The grief of losing a job can be especially intense if the loss is unexpected. Regardless, much of how we see ourselves can be connected to the job we have. “What do you do?” is one of the first questions asked by strangers upon meeting us for the first time. Losing a job – especially if it carries a lot of value – can be deeply painful, almost as if we’ve lost a part of who we are.
- The ending of a non-traditional relationship. The end of a friendship or the breakup of a platonic bond can lead to disenfranchised grief. Friends and family might not recognise the extent of the emotional toll, dismissing it as inconsequential compared to the loss of a romantic partner.
Disenfranchised grief presents some complications that are not always present in other grieving processes. First, there are usually intensified reactions to death or loss. For example, the person in grief might become more depressed or angry due to not being able to fully express their grief. Second, disenfranchised grief means society is unlikely to recognise the full extent of the death or loss; therefore, those in grief do not receive strong social support and might be isolated or expected to quickly “get over it”.
Recognising disenfranchised grief requires a nuanced understanding of a person’s emotional landscape. Signs might include persistent feelings of sadness, withdrawal from social activities, and an inability to discuss the loss openly. It’s essential to cultivate empathy and open communication to create a space for people experiencing this kind of grief.
Managing disenfranchised grief involves acknowledging and validating the emotions tied to the loss. Encouraging open conversations, whether through one-on-one interactions or support groups, can provide people with an outlet to express their feelings without fear of judgement. Seeking professional help from therapists or grief counsellors can also be instrumental in navigating the complexities of disenfranchised grief.
If you or anyone you know is going through this kind of grief, here are some ways that can help you to manage. (These suggestions won’t fix the grief, but we hope they can provide some helpful guidance.)
- Acknowledge and validate your grief: Recognise that your grief is valid, regardless of societal norms or expectations. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and express them at a time and in a way that feels comfortable to you.
- Seek support: Reach out to friends, family, or a support group who can provide empathy, understanding, and validation. Consider seeking professional counselling to help you process your grief.
- Learn more about disenfranchised grief: This can help you better understand your own grief and recognise that you’re not alone in suffering such a loss. Learning more about grief in general can also help you understand the process and move away from any thoughts that you should or shouldn’t be feeling a certain way.
- Create a ritual: Creating a ritual can help you honour your loss and provide a sense of comfort. This can be something as simple as lighting a candle or planting a tree in memory of your loved one, or doing something with them in mind that helps to maintain and cherish the bond you had. If you’ve lost a job or role that was important to you, when the time feels right, perhaps you can think about the values and contributions you brought into the role and to share them with others in another way.
Dealing with grief can be difficult even in “normal” circumstances, and especially so when your loss isn’t recognised in the same way by others. It’s important to keep in mind that, regardless of how others see things, your loss matters and deserves to be honoured and properly grieved.
If you would like to speak to a therapist to support you through your grief, you can arrange to see one of our mental health professionals. Whatever you’re going through, we’re here for you.
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