“The day you stop criticising other people is the day you have officially stopped criticising yourself. When you no longer feel the need to compare, it means you’ve stopped using other people as a litmus test for your own self-worth.”
~ Samara O’Shea
We’ve all been there – caught in the grip of our relentless inner critic, second-guessing every move and undermining our self-worth. Taming this critical voice might feel like an uphill battle, but there are ways to loosen its grip on our sense of self.
Let’s take a look at some of the ways we can puncture the power of that pesky inner critic:
1. Embrace self-compassion: Picture this: treat yourself as kindly and tenderly as you would a dear friend. That’s the essence of self-compassion. By offering yourself the same understanding and kindness you’d extend to others, you’re rewriting your inner dialogue. Research shows that practising self-compassion nurtures a habit of self-kindness, gradually silencing the critic within.
2. Foster self-awareness to break negative patterns: Imagine having a clear window into your thoughts and behaviours – that’s self-awareness. This remarkable ability allows you to observe yourself from a third-person perspective, empowering you to exercise self-control and boost self-esteem. Cultivating self-awareness translates to better decisions, improved communication skills, and a confidence boost across different aspects of your life.
3. Reframe for optimism: Ever wish you could hit ‘refresh’ on your thoughts? There’s one way to do this, which is called reframing. Reframing involves swapping out negative self-talk with a more optimistic and realistic perspective. Recognise the connection between your thoughts, emotions, and actions. By tweaking those unhelpful thought patterns, you can begin to feel a shift toward optimism, better equipping you to tackle life’s hurdles head-on.
Example: “I failed the exam, I am such a loser!” might become, “This feels horrible – I really wanted to pass. It was a tough exam, but it’s not the end of the world. I’m sure I can do well next time if I’m better prepared and have a plan in place.”
4. Make your inner critic less intimidating: Ever thought of naming your inner critic or envisioning it as a comical character? This tactic helps detach its grip on your emotions. By personifying it, you realise it’s not your true self speaking, but a mere voice – one you can choose to heed or ignore.
Example: A thought shows up, “I’m just the most useless person ever!” Then you think (intentionally) something like, “OK, Mr. Krabs, thanks for the same old message for the 100th time already – go take a nap.” This isn’t intended to ridicule yourself, but rather to reinforce the idea that these thoughts are just words that show up and needn’t have any power over you.
5. Ditch the comparison game: Ah, comparisons – the silent joy thieves! Instead of measuring up to others, focus on your personal growth. Every step you take contributes to your progress. Nurture your unique path and let go of the drain that comparisons inflict on your joy and sanity.
Pro-tip: Instead of unfavourably comparing yourself to others, see if you can flip the switch. “My friend just got a promotion – that’s amazing, good for them!” We’re so conditioned to compare ourselves unfavourably, like it’s a bad thing if we aren’t always ahead of everyone. We can still strive, but there’s no need to beat ourselves up in the process. Everybody’s life moves at a difference pace.
6. Embrace the constructive side of self-critique: Self-criticism isn’t all bad – it can be a tool for growth. Yet, like any tool, it needs fine-tuning. Strike a balance between constructive self-evaluation and the harsh critic. Direct your inner critic toward actionable improvements rather than a blanket judgement of your worth.
Compare: “I’m so dumb! This job interview is only four days away and I’ve done nothing to prepare, what an idiot!” vs. “I’ve really messed up. This job interviw is only four days away and I’m not prepared. OK, what can I do to start researching the role/company and prepare for questions?”
Remember… The journey to silencing your inner critic is a process, and it starts with small steps. By nurturing self-compassion, honing self-awareness, reframing thoughts, and embracing a healthier version of self-criticism, you’re embarking on a path to improved confidence and overall well-being. You’ve got this! And if you need us, we’re here for you…
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