I work in the entertainment industry. My job is very demanding requiring me to be on-the-go even at 3am in the morning. With just one phone call, I have to be out of my bed doing whatever that is required of me. Having depression along with this job demand has been difficult. Just recently, I couldn’t get out of bed for 2 days. Due to the festive season, work has been tremendous but I simply couldn’t get myself out of bed. All I wanted was to stay in bed for the rest of my life. I knew I could lose my job but I didn’t give a damn. At that point in time, nothing seems to matter anymore.
Thankfully, God has placed very supportive and helpful people around me who are aware of my condition and would check on me from time to time to see how am I doing. If they’re concerned of my condition, they would ask me out or stay over at their place so that they can keep an eye on me.
So, that time when I was in bed for 2 days, my godmother realized it and asked me to help out at her place during Raya. She said “… Mama cepat penat”. Knowing that she is also going through some tough time( both physically and mentally), how could I let my mom exert herself so much. So, I agreed to go over her place to help her out.
Mama is one that has been patience and very understanding. She has been encouraging me in everything that I do and wouldn’t hesitate to tell me when I need to stop. She knew I needed guidance and she would always help me out with that. Today, I told mama of big project that I had in mind. I am afraid to execute my plan because it sounds scary. Yes. I find my own goals to be scary most of the time. But mama said, “If your dream/goal isn’t scary, it means it’s not big enough. Now do this.”
Mama isn’t the only one. My psychiatrist has been very supportive too. We would talk about things that’s bothering me, how to go about certain things in life and he would evaluate my condition from time to time. He has been very supportive of my needs too. At times when I couldn’t afford to pay, he would assure me that it’s okay, I can pay it during my next visit or whenever I have the means to pay. He never let his service to me be a burden. Ever since I’ve started seeing him, my condition is getting better. Yes, I still do have my low mood but with the medication and support from him, it is much easier to managed now compared to before.
My room mate was really happy seeing my progress and so do other people who has been my pillars of support. With everything in place (support system, therapy, medicine, financial), I am doing much better now. Without them, I can’t even begin to imagine where I would be at this very moment. I am very blessed to have all these with me. I will live with depression as a part of me for a very long time if not for the rest of my life but I know, no matter in what situation I am in or how badly I turned out to be as the consequences of my illness, I am not alone and there is always, always, a way to get better. I may give up on myself but there’s someone out there who believe in me and will never give up on me.
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